It’s a fact that women are having babies older than in previous generations and that they intend to do so. While some women seem to have no trouble becoming pregnant and having children, others find that medical intervention is necessary.
Women who start their families at 35 and up are more likely to have difficulty becoming pregnant. More than one-third of adults in the U.S. have either used some form of assisted reproductive technology (ART), which includes intrauterine insemination (IUI), in vitro fertilization (IVF), surrogates, egg donors, sperm donors, or know someone who has, according to the Pew Research Center. Among those with a college degree, that figure is 43 percent, and it jumps to almost half (48 percent) among those who earn over $75,000 a year.
The Infertility Journey
For couples who can’t conceive, the sadness is immeasurable. Failed fertility treatments and miscarriages are devastating. “A fertility journey is among the most punishing, consequential quests a human can endure,” writes Kathryn Blaze Baum in her book, In Fertility: The Story of a Miracle and the Big Business Behind It. “No one ever told me it [having a baby] might not be so straightforward…If you have time and money, you’ll probably be able to have a baby if you persist.”
Waiting until she was older didn’t deter Judith*, 50, a cellist with a major U.S. orchestra. She paid for fertility treatments without assistance—no government or employer support. Once she decided she wanted a child, she went through four rounds of IVF. “I’m stubborn,” Judith says. “I wasn’t going to give up.”
She gave birth to her daughter at age 47 and makes no apologies for not having more children: “We spent five years and $180,000 on testing and procedures. We even used money I inherited from my grandmother. My daughter will have to get a scholarship for college. We spent that money trying to have her.”
Persistence frequently becomes a financial problem. The costs of raising children have long been a consideration in determining family size. Factoring in fertility treatments can put a baby or more babies out of reach. Usually, one round of IVF costs around $15,000 to $30,000, and as Baum points out, it typically takes more than one round to be successful.
Other medical expenses related to medications, genetic screenings, lab tests, and additional procedures can drive the price up further, and most insurers and employer health plans do not cover the cost, although that’s changing. About 30 states, among them Massachusetts, Maine, Hawaii, and Colorado, mandate fertility insurance coverage. Track down your state to find your options. Read the fine print to learn if you are covered and know the requirements and restrictions, for example, in the number of egg retrievals covered.
Increasingly, corporations support the quest for a child. Adobe, Apple, Chobani, Disney, Facebook (Meta), Walmart, Starbucks, and Google are companies that currently pay for egg retrieval and/or egg freezing for employees. Additionally, organizations and foundations throughout the country provide grants to help defray the costs.
Set on having a second child, Colleen*, 40, is on her sixth round of IVF despite her partner being unenthusiastic. She is tenacious but disheartened. “I cycle between focusing on work and completely collapsing into tears of grief.” She says during the day she can muscle through work, but at night she’s a mess again. With each cycle, “I’ll hope this one is the lucky one,” she says. She’s also realistic. “I can’t keep doing IVF cycles indefinitely.”
Sandra*, 41, initially thought she would have two children. But a number of factors led her to stop at one. “My husband always said he would have as many children as he could afford. Money wasn’t the main issue for us, but a consideration,” she says.
When her son turned 3, they relocated from the Midwest to the East Coast. “The cost of living is higher, and we were changing jobs,” she explains. “Although I’m career-driven, we tried for a year and a half to get pregnant with no medical explanation as to why that didn’t happen. The next step would have been IVF, which I know from friends is draining, and I didn’t want to go through it. I wanted to enjoy what I had.”
One and Done
Lily*, 43, attributes much of her marital happiness to her husband’s acquiescence with her plans for children. “My career was my priority, and my husband was content with whatever I decided about having children. After eight years of marriage, I understood that he would be an incredible father, and that flipped me to the other side,” she told me. “After trying to become pregnant without any medical intervention, we agreed to do one round of IVF. If it worked, great; if not, we would talk about adopting. We were lucky and got a genetically sound embryo and have a dazzling 1-year-old. It wasn’t an easy path through IVF—we managed and are overjoyed . . . but done.”
Baum, who was determined to have children, details her four-year quest in her book. To achieve her goal, she has been through egg “retrievals, embryo transfers, countless injections, blood draws and ultrasounds, two [911] calls, 11 stitches, three uterine surgeries.”
What Baum endured is extraordinary. It takes strength and bravery to put your body and mind through the IVF process repeatedly. She prevailed in her quest to have several children.
Emma*, 41, has a different perspective than Baum’s. “I have peers, some a bit older or younger than I am, going through the heartache and intensity of IVF,” she says. Emma is an only child with a 3-year-old only child and has no intentions of having another baby. In her view, “If you have a healthy, happy child, why put yourself through the roller coaster that is IVF?”
The data shows that more and more people agree with Emma. As a result, we are seeing a steady surge in only-child families.
*All women who discussed their experiences with IVF requested that their names be changed to protect their privacy.
Copyright @ 2026 by Susan Newman
